5 and 500,000

we were barely 5 in the store...

and got 500k order...

so humbling and yet so grand...

sauna for two hours

it has been months since my last sauna...

i have been feeling  "not so perky" with my faucet dripping and I know water is wasted...

and dont have time to sit down on it...

the sauna helped...

happiness?

Joy is like sex - it begins and ends. 
I want pleasure. I want to be contended, but happiness?
I no longer fall into that trap.
by Paulo Coelho

flying away

there are times when I really wanted to fly...fly not too high...

just enough to be able to touch everyone or anything...lightly like a butterfly...

I sometimes want to crush my thoughts and just talk plainly pleasing other people...

but I always want expressing my true self...and I realize it is not popular...

people mistakenly understand your thoughts...

I want to fly very light like a butterfly...

I will deliver

Posing just before feeling bad yesterday.

I have been in this job for more than 2 years now.  Have I done well?  Have I contributed well enough?

I have to.  I will contribute. I will deliver.

a kiss

been feeling bad since yesterday...

that is how i am whenever I was not able to deliver well what i have to...

sometimes I think I am loved coz when I was so down...

I was surprised by my grandson's arrival...that kiss gave me more reason to move on...

my poem

I actually wrote this years ago.  i wrote  for someone and I happen to be feeling that same feeling years ago.

UNDEFINED

undefined

another attempt to poetry

thoughts of you run fondly
but finding its way nowhere else

thoughts settle down now
cling deeply somewhere else

Rather find its way
to the depths of the heart of my soul!

practicing emotions

i promised myself to practice dealing with different emotions everyday. 

 i sometimes dare myself to be able to jump from one moment of sadness, boredom to being excited, "lol" moments and crying.  Craziness for some but it makes a person go through some kind of  "quick response" to any situation that toughens the psche. 

I remember this event when I got caught in a bad moment and have to cope with it in a party.  I felt bad to hurt a friend.  And I did not know that I actually hurt him.  Sometimes I just wanted to "shut up".  

for someone

Manuel Bandeira and the River:

Be like the river that overflowed
Silent in the night
Do not fear the darkness of night
If there are stars in the sky, reflect on them
And if the heavens are full of clouds
It is as the river, the clouds are water
I thought of them too without sorrow
And felt the depths of calm.

the fly

during the meditation class, I saw this video.  it is silent. short.

i realized how silence can make chaos looks controlled.

i want this discipline in my life.

meditation

 I had a wonderful night the other day.  I went to a meditation session and had a night of fulfillment and emptying myself.

Fulfillment because I finished a full 30 minute meditation.  My mind often jumps from one thought to another and the meditation helped my mind relax.

Emptying my brains was like pouring all thoughts (good and bad) down the drain.  The shake was good for my body and soul.

Meet Ram

My son said the black one was the last one to get out from Princess (our dog).  All the puppies are charming but the black one caught my attention.  He became my favorite instantly. 

 Its hard to find a name for a dog.  My son and I were discussing what to name our favorites and I toyed around with Dagger, Rumi but I suddenly thought of RAM.  Hmmmmm, I am settling for Ram.

The other 3 will be given as gifts and my son will have the other brown dog and without a name yet.

does my grandson think of me too?

On a Sunday, all I wanna do is make it up with my family whom I set aside most of the time for work.  I still try to be a good mother at my age and so today that my grandson is not home, my children got my heart heart running away! Karlsen and Angelo are deeply loved.  Even my Kaiser but I think he is the farthest from me...I sometimes feel not connected with him even if I worry and long for him if he is not around.

Zak is not around too and all I wanna do is think of him.  Does he think of me too?

t

midnight blues

Its past twelve midnight and haven't fallen asleep yet.  So strange...have washed clothes, dishes cooked dinner and yet my soul is alive...

I miss this activity...how I loved writing my thoughts and yet physically I get drowned from work...

Sometimes I ask myself if  my work is worth my passion...or my work does not deserve my passion...or whatever...