unbreak my heart

I was at the doctors clinic last Tuesday and although I like bringing my children to their doctor for check-up, it is a routine that I hate for myself.

But I have to submit myself for ECG just to check on my heart. I have been so extremely sad for a couple of disasters in my life the past months. And I have to deal with all of those disasters by being so extremely happy. It could have harmed my heart.

For many months now I felt I am always running out of breath. When I am driving, I always try to loosen that seat belt on my chest because I felt so terribly pressed. When I lie down, I have to turn to one side for me to catch some air. There was a time when I have to cough (so hard) for me to sort of catch my breathe.

I am not sickly. My blood pressure is normal. My other laboratories are normal. My body is used to working physically and mentally, because I do get bored when I just sit and stare blankly.

Anyway, I am going to see my doctor tomorrow for her advise. I looked at the result of my ECG and the nurse told me, my heart is pumping below normal.

I was not surprised because I have history.

My niece called today and I told her about my heart.

When she asked how come the family always have some problems with the heart. I jokingly told her "because we are always in love".

I honestly do not know if I am just trying to be "coping" positively. Maybe. Pretty disturbing, yeaahhhh? And I have to slow down.

Help me unbreak my heart.