revisiting tatay's life

We left Davao at 4:30 am to go to Nasipit, Agusan Del Norte to visit, organize and settle things regarding my parents property. The house was emptied since September 2007 (my reference for this is the calendar page in the house).

Getting on the road early in the morning was exactly the same time tatay prefers to leave Davao when they came to visit us before. They used to drive to Davao weekly when tatay was still strong. During the travel, Nanay shared stories about Tatay that made her cry a couple of times. And most of the time, I was also thinking of "how tough it could be for her". My father and mother were always together and now that she is alone, I could see how devastated she was.

Approaching the bridge that connected us to Butuan City.

I was just glad we arrived and were only minutes away to Nasipit. The travel was good except for some road construction in Tagum and Monkayo that delayed us. We arrived here at around 9:00 am. Almost the same time my father died last February 23.

It is here when I broke into tears! I thought the following: Tatay coming to this building every working day for eleven years. It was a holiday so there was no one around except the guard. I noticed how dirty the building and premises were. This used to be clean when Tatay was the judge. Nanay said "Tatay used his own salary in buying stuff for cleaning". He was always clean. The plants around looked like they were not watered for several days.

As soon as I texted Kokoy that we were right in front of tatay's office, I noticed that I was crying.

This is the judge's sala and it was so messy inside. But I was really imagining Tatay in his black toga and hearing the cases filed in his court.
This used to be his office. Nanay and I kept on crying. She was telling me stories of how Tatay used to dote on Gello, that even when he was working, he would take time to personally attend to Angelo's needs and "caprichos".

It was really tough for Nanay who kept muttering that "Tatay could have been alive until this time". And I probably have stopped myself telling her of my thoughts about "letting go" because she has too far many memories of this place with Tatay.

We left the office silently. Nanay suggested we go to Pittman, a restaurant where Tatay and Gelo regularly eats. Their favorite restaurant. As I was driving towards the restaurant, I felt that I was bringing tatay back to the places he loved most.

I had several instances wherein I got goosebumps whenever we talk of the things that Nanay associated with Tatay along the way.
We were supposed to go straight to Nasipit but Nanay asked me to drive her back to the office of Tatay to bring some papers.
When we arrived at the gate of Nasipit property, I asked myself "How come Tatay loved it here when the place is so remote and creepy"? It was around 12 noon but way too breezy. It took us some time to get inside.
This is the building in front of their property. I was so exhausted and do not know how I will think and feel when we get inside, so I took this picture.

Getting inside the gate was difficult. Getting inside the house was more difficult because the locks were all rusted. While Nanay was opening the house, I announced "Tatay we are here". I went to the backyard. I was thinking of how Tatay or even Mamay have had several footmarks here. I thought " Is Tatay a lonely man"? I should suppose that he is not. This place made him happy and accomplished, I should never question that again.

Nanay having a hard time opening the garage and their living room.

When we got in, the place was a mess!

But it felt good to touch Tatay's robe that was still hanging. To get into their room and touch the bedsheets. I was exhausted from driving but when I got inside their room, I felt some strange energy that made me go through and pack Tatay's belongings. While I was opening his cabinets, that was when I smelled his strong perfume. I asked Nanay if she smelled it too. "Yes" she did smell Tatay.

I was not tired of the travel, I guess. It was my emotional journey to Tatay's life that made me so tired. I had a quick nap inside the vehicle but I was roused from it when Koy announced (on the telephone) that he got "mumps". It is in the video I have sent to you all.

I brought some of Tatay's belongings home to Davao. Had to dry clean some of his barong and jackets. By the way, Tatay started packing the things even before he left this world.

Of all the things that he has packed, he got only one carton labeled. He sealed the carton with packaging tapes. He personally wrote "Family pictures". The treasure, he took care of most. His family. We.