after the storm

I wanted to get away from my husband for countless times during his vacation this year. Although we were always together since he came, I thought I was so distant from him. I often tell him, that I have to get somewhere alone. He always waited.

One time when I walked away from him, I took the picture above. What is that? Those were two doves getting a dip in a puddle, right in the middle of a street in Nasipit.

Nobody cannot see and understand that I was deeply broken inside because I was the one in trouble about my relationship with him. And if I had a lot of courage telling him all the things that I felt, I was amazed at his courage for "holding on".

I was "on and off" with him.

There were times when I think there is not much a relationship needed really. The two doves have nothing except each other and a dirty puddle. And the territory they are into.

I just cannot get over this craziness. I wrote a long poem but I cannot write it down here because it was full of hatred. Hatred for a person who seems to be loving me endlessly and unconditionally. I am crazy!

Then, my country was hit by another storm that left so much devastation to thousands of people and property. I just cannot believe that from where I was comfortably sitting and laughing out loud with my friends together with my husband and mother, Metro Manila was in great peril.

I have to get on with our everyday life. And my husband have to keep on dealing with me.

There was a heavy downpour in Metro Davao but I hardly felt it except for the damaged gutter I have. I call it my "mini Niagara Falls" because water just flows profusely especially when the downpour is just heavy. I have not the "right amount" in my pocket to have it repaired so meantime, some pictures and books and some paintings have been soiled by it.

I have such a turbulent month emotionally. Writing not about what I feel but more on what I am seeing around me. I forgot that this testimony and blog might just be my legacy to my children when I die. They have to learn from what I am thinking and feeling so when it is their time, they get to get some craziness from their dead mom through this (har har har).

I stopped looking at the damage left by the storm.

One night, I told my husband that I appreciate his never ending love for me.

I cried when he told me that if in case I will never love him back again, that I should stay with my children because my children needs me more than him. He will go away.

I always tend to forget that blessings come in different packages.

When I was bitching my husband for many weeks now, I did not see much of the blessings I have. My husband again showed his goodness and kind-hearted ways for he was always there for me even during the days that I did not love him at all.

He was so consistent with his love for me. I faltered several times. He was always there to catch me. And embraced me again and again.