They both succumbed to colon cancer!
My father died in February this year. Six months later, it was President Cory's time.
I got the chance to watch the account of the last days of President Cory as told by her daughter, Kris Aquino last Sunday! I did cry a couple of times because of the parallelism of events their family and mine has gone through. But most of all I want to write some important realizations that could somehow help other families to cope given the same set-up.
I followed the news about President Aquino who was diagnosed with colon cancer ahead of my father. The medical procedures that was done to her were the same as my father. My interest with the President's condition was purely a personal thing - because she reminds me of my father's own journey.
I am glad he went first because he could really be so mean (with his comments) sometimes! But I do miss that especially when we are watching the news. Or when he is reading the newspapers. My father is a retired Judge.
When Kris talked about the time when President Cory called her husband's name - I recalled how scared I was when I first heard my father (last November) call his own mother. I was scared because it is one belief among Filipinos that if a sick person calls the name/s of dead relative/s, he/she will soon be following them. For the first time I was not afraid of the idea that among us there, were our dead relatives spirits. My fear was "Is my father going to die"? My sister and I even resorted to "driving -away " our grandmothers, grandfather, uncle (my father kept calling them). What we did was to follow the direction of my father's eyes and tell our dead relatives "to please go away". We did that because we somehow believed that our father will recover from his illness.
I followed the news about President Aquino who was diagnosed with colon cancer ahead of my father. The medical procedures that was done to her were the same as my father. My interest with the President's condition was purely a personal thing - because she reminds me of my father's own journey.
I do admire the President especially her contributions to our country and the whole world. And that is unquestionable. Only that, I have some of my own political views. If my father was alive, I say, he got critical views about so many people in the government. It is a long-standing one and I do not dare question that too!
I am glad he went first because he could really be so mean (with his comments) sometimes! But I do miss that especially when we are watching the news. Or when he is reading the newspapers. My father is a retired Judge.
When Kris talked about the time when President Cory called her husband's name - I recalled how scared I was when I first heard my father (last November) call his own mother. I was scared because it is one belief among Filipinos that if a sick person calls the name/s of dead relative/s, he/she will soon be following them. For the first time I was not afraid of the idea that among us there, were our dead relatives spirits. My fear was "Is my father going to die"? My sister and I even resorted to "driving -away " our grandmothers, grandfather, uncle (my father kept calling them). What we did was to follow the direction of my father's eyes and tell our dead relatives "to please go away". We did that because we somehow believed that our father will recover from his illness.
When Kris said something about the pain of her mother - I remembered my father's own suffering. Cory is a very religious person but my father is not. But when he is in deep pain, he cries out for prayers. There was one time wherein we prayed the rosary 11 or 12 times in a day! Then he will start fighting back to live. I saw him almost at the brink of dying in front of us. But he always comes back. Later on we realized because we the living were not letting him go!
My Tita Mayet, who is a nun was the first one I guess who expressed about the reality that my father is dying. She was always there and the whole RVM sisters during my fathers most critical moments. She was forever explaining to us that the prayers should not be conflicting. We as a family should decide on praying for my father's journey towards eternal life. And not the prayer about getting well from his colon cancer. The conflicting prayers is prolonging his suffering on earth.
Now I believe that!
Kris said something about Cory wanting to go home - my father kept on pleading for us to take him home - away from the hospital. And I am writing this because it is one way of saying goodbye to this world and that they are indeed going home to our Creator!
These were some things that I had the chance to tell my father months before he died:
... " You have done so much for me and the family. You have provided us with the best that you can. You have made many people happy also. If you are so very tired, I want you to know that I am letting you go. I am forgiving you with all the things you have done that has angered and pained me before, and I hope you forgive me with all the disappointments and lots of pain as well, that I have given you." Forgive me.
Everyday that you are given another chance to live gives me more hope that we will see each other again! Now, I do not wish to count years of good relationship between the two of us. A minute of conversation, a quick "I love you", a reminder to stay calm, an assurance that we are here - is what we only have to look forward to. It is as good as one year or so. When I hear your voice growling in deep pain over the phone, my heart also is being pricked so very deeply. I do not know which is more painful - to see you gone or see you in that condition? I do not know.
My grief is still here. If I can get that pain from your body, you know I would. But I guess, for our souls to depart lightly, we have to have that pain.
This is what I wrote after I talked to my father. Actually, the last time I heard my father breathing.
Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.
Kahlil Gibran
I am feeling so troubled and weary! It is the thought of my father who is fighting for his life in the hospital at this moment, that is so bothering and making me feel so restless. From where I stand, I can only hope, pray and surrender my father's ordeal to the Almighty!
Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.
Pain and foolishness lead to great bliss and complete knowledge, for Eternal Wisdom created nothing under the sun in vain.
Just before I leave the house to attend the Sunday mass, I got a call from my father's doctor. I was informed that my father's vital organs (kidney, liver and colon) are failing and even if he undergoes dialysis and other interventions, there is not much hope towards recovery.
When I was at the church, the gospel is about healing. And I prayed that my father be healed spiritually because he no longer cannot, physically.
And I cried because I know he wanted to live. I asked the Lord up above to please help my father accept his fate. Is it really frightening when it is about time? I do not know. I am frightened. Am I losing faith?
If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.
When I was at the church, the gospel is about healing. And I prayed that my father be healed spiritually because he no longer cannot, physically.
And I cried because I know he wanted to live. I asked the Lord up above to please help my father accept his fate. Is it really frightening when it is about time? I do not know. I am frightened. Am I losing faith?
Just as I arrived from the church, I called the hospital. I have not heard tatay say a word for many days now. Every time I call, I let him hear me and my children' s voices saying "I love you" so often.
When I hear my father's shallow breathing, my heart beats faster, my eyes get teary and I tremble inside! But I have to be strong by believing that - his pain will end soon. He will then be rested and will have eternal bliss!
When I hear my father's shallow breathing, my heart beats faster, my eyes get teary and I tremble inside! But I have to be strong by believing that - his pain will end soon. He will then be rested and will have eternal bliss!
Pain and foolishness lead to great bliss and complete knowledge, for Eternal Wisdom created nothing under the sun in vain.
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