crying and feeling great after!

For the longest time, I finished reading “One Hundred Years of Solitude” the novel. I started reading it last November and I do not know what took me so long to finish it, when in fact it is a book that I have longed wanted to read.

Of course, I will not make a review of the book here, but it is my experience while I was reading it that I wanted to write because it is so much like a journey and a hell of a human experience.

I have several times put down that book to give way to some other books. For the past months, I let myself get distracted so many times. The details in the beginning of the story took place during some earliest period in history. Although I find so many things in the past fascinating the struggle seemed to me was forever. I have a short threshold of pain, even while reading.

I brought the book everyday and anywhere I went, but did not seem to have the drive to read it. Come on finish it! But I still chose to get distracted. I asked myself, what are you waiting for? What are you afraid of? Human emotions in the book are so vivid and plenty that I got overwhelmed. But all books have that. I guess, I was in such a vulnerable stage thus I was fighting those emotions and madness in the book. I think that is such a bad attitude while reading. Learning rarely sinks “in” when there is denial.

When I was put in a real struggle with my father’s illness and death, I felt like I had that great urge to read and add more to the pain there was. Oh am I so human? Why should I hurt myself more when I was already bleeding inside? Leave it!

One just really have to confront thy self! Recently when I felt so strangled and lost, I thought it was the best time to finish it. Because the reason for my being lost is something I alone am carrying and the book was an object so conveniently available for me to release one such compelling and heavy emotion, I did finish reading it and shed tears so profusely.

I cried specifically about the last part of the novel. And for another reason, a selfish one - that I have to cry.

“ I have been thinking of the difference between water and the waves on it. Rising, water is still water, falling back it is water, will you give me a hint on how to tell them apart”? by Kabir

Be blissful!