When I was with my friend at the airport to fetch her husband from an overseas job, all I could see was myself in the very same set-up.It should really feel good and right to have a husband back at home. Well, a husband serves as the model male figure for the children to look up to, not only as the breadwinner but the man who is "in-charge". A man at home makes those decisions that are crucial not only for the children but as well as the "stability" of the family.
I do not want to spoil any of those good feelings but there is only one thing that many just do not understand, that the frequent "coming and going" of husbands do cause some cycle of tensions in the family.
When my children were much younger, the coming would mean "the imported chocolates and toys" from their father - whom they only knew through the voice from the calls and pictures. And the stories that were shared to them. And this is just hilarious because letting the children go near their father is such a big challenging task that would normally be settled in days or weeks.
In a month, two or more, the family go through the normal family activities that make our bonding closer than ever. We do all things together 24/7 - preparing dinner, eating together, celebrating the missed anniversary, birthdays and other special occasions. And because he do es not have a salary during these months (no work, no pay) this could also be during these days that we also acquire some debts har har har. Anyway, whatever happens during these months seems to be the"fine and normal" family set-up all of us wives could be dreaming of.
When everything seems to be normal, only then that we brace ourselves for something inevitable - the leaving. It would mean "pacifying crying children (because their father has to go) and have to assume everything. Yes, everything.
But I would be feeling a kind of relief too because when he leaves, there will be food on the table, pay for the bills and tuition and other obligations. I would often see my husband restrain his emotions and would tell us, " I have to go and will send you money as soon as possible". Maybe men are made to be strong and emotionally detached for if not, we could all go hungry.
Well, that cycle is my life for the past 25 years.
But, I do not regret having that kind of life though, because I have learned to appreciate the space between me and my husband. I have learned a lot things while he was away and still using that time to improve what there is to "in our relationship".
When he is not around, I become the "father and mother" to my children. I bridge the gap whenever their father is absent. Well, I am not perfect. Got lots of mistakes too. But they are as good as my shadow. They will always be a part of me but only to serve as a reminder to my mistakes. I believe that we always have the time to make it up.
I do not know though, if my friend also thinks that way whenever she comes with me as I fetch my husband from the airport.
Be blissful!
I do not want to spoil any of those good feelings but there is only one thing that many just do not understand, that the frequent "coming and going" of husbands do cause some cycle of tensions in the family.
When my children were much younger, the coming would mean "the imported chocolates and toys" from their father - whom they only knew through the voice from the calls and pictures. And the stories that were shared to them. And this is just hilarious because letting the children go near their father is such a big challenging task that would normally be settled in days or weeks.
In a month, two or more, the family go through the normal family activities that make our bonding closer than ever. We do all things together 24/7 - preparing dinner, eating together, celebrating the missed anniversary, birthdays and other special occasions. And because he do es not have a salary during these months (no work, no pay) this could also be during these days that we also acquire some debts har har har. Anyway, whatever happens during these months seems to be the"fine and normal" family set-up all of us wives could be dreaming of.
When everything seems to be normal, only then that we brace ourselves for something inevitable - the leaving. It would mean "pacifying crying children (because their father has to go) and have to assume everything. Yes, everything.
But I would be feeling a kind of relief too because when he leaves, there will be food on the table, pay for the bills and tuition and other obligations. I would often see my husband restrain his emotions and would tell us, " I have to go and will send you money as soon as possible". Maybe men are made to be strong and emotionally detached for if not, we could all go hungry.
Well, that cycle is my life for the past 25 years.
But, I do not regret having that kind of life though, because I have learned to appreciate the space between me and my husband. I have learned a lot things while he was away and still using that time to improve what there is to "in our relationship".
When he is not around, I become the "father and mother" to my children. I bridge the gap whenever their father is absent. Well, I am not perfect. Got lots of mistakes too. But they are as good as my shadow. They will always be a part of me but only to serve as a reminder to my mistakes. I believe that we always have the time to make it up.
I do not know though, if my friend also thinks that way whenever she comes with me as I fetch my husband from the airport.
Be blissful!
har har har my friend says she is always with me but she was not able to come with me to the airport to fetch my husband. its always his husband hmmmm i am mixed -up
ReplyDeletei stand corrected