Robby Benson and Shaun Cassidy

It came once in my life that I would become a wife of a famous man. Well I thought of it only for some period in time maybe because of the lure of fame, fortune and power behind that status.

Imagine this: Maria Angelina Escanan married to Robby Benson.

Yes, he was my greatest crush when I was in high school. Now, I am excited. Does anyone out there knows him? Except me probably. Because of him, I became aware of that "crazy feeling" called love. It is crazy love because he does not even know that I existed. But he was always on my mind and had lots of sleepless nights imagining that he is my boyfriend. Arrrggggghhhhhhhh!

Oh this is crazy!

There was another crush, Shaun Cassidy! I got gaga over him, almost at the same time with Robby. Robby disappeared from the limelight, so my love for him disappeared too.

Not really. This is kind of creepy but I still remember the feeling. When I hear the song, "My Fair Share", I kind of get sentimental over it. It is the theme song of the movie "One on One" where Robby Benson starred- in back in the 80s.

Where is Robby Benson now?

Oh my God!!!! Look at the picture below. He just looks so gorgeous. I like him better now. And he writes. He got a novel which was released in 2007. "Who Stole the Funny?" is the title of his book.

Robby, I don't like the title of your novel. I haven't read it though.

And we should have met. Tsk, tsk, tsk.



And where is Shaun Cassidy?

I remember buying this Shaun Cassidy album when I was in high school. Great, where is it? Lost. And we do not have the player anymore. It is the long-playing album culture, remember?

I can't seem to grab his latest picture. But I saw him. Still looking good but not as dashing as Robby Benson.

Now I am lost at what I am supposed to say.

One just realizes that they have a different world than I have. They got their own families too as much as I have. And the same way as I struggle to be a good wife and mother, they might also have their fair share of those challenges.

I admired the way they exited out of the limelight even during those times when they were so very famous. So maybe not everyone up there could be as happy as those who preferred to stay out of limelight.

get some snooze

One of my favorite leisure is sleeping. I rush to it whenever I get the opportunity and I am just mighty glad that my body responds to that need immediately.

Sleep just gives me peace inside and out. Before I go to sleep there is one thing I do: Forgive myself and others for something that made me feel heavy in my heart.

How I wish I could give this as a gift especially to people who cannot just get to sleep.

And I wanna share some thoughts about it especially for those who are denied of getting sleep:

Restlessness at night comes when you are rested during the day. Try getting on your feet as early as 5 in the morning. Get that sunlight streaming into your veins. Push and Pull a lot. Climb up the stairs. WALK and walk and walk. Rub the dirt off the walls. PERSPIRE A LOT. RUN around. Dig that soil. Plant some greens. No to caffeine. Never sleep with the sun still up in the sky. Move and extend those arms and feet. take YOUR ASS off that chair. CREATE SOMETHING. Work till you drop.

THINK RIGHT OVER WRONG.

Talk to your mind. Tell your body to sleep at 8 pm. Read till your eyes are tired. Listen to your heart. Get rid of your anger. Shun bad thoughts about others and self. Embrace affection. Save your soul. Unload grudges and guilt.

Teach your body, mind and heart to let " love " enter your system. Peace will be flowing inside your veins. Your mind will tell your eyes to close. Your heart will float in peace. Your body will be aware of how great sleep is. Your organs inside will have its natural cleansing. Your psyche will be healed. Feel your slumber!

Then you wake up renewed and looking at the brighter side of a new day!

Be blissful!

refusing plastics

For many months now I have been refusing plastic bags whenever I buy something.

When I go to the wet market for my fresh vegetables and fish, the merchants would have those "surprised look" whenever I get my own recycled plastic from my basket especially for the fish. For the fresh vegetables I just take them and put them in my basket.

I decided to do this small act for the environment because of the heavy usage and demand of plastics. I do believe this small act will go a long way. I am just happy to note that my children are becoming aware of how to take care of the environment or else they will inherit a pile of garbage that will destroy our Mother Earth.

And when I refuse, I also tell the merchants that "too much plastic destroys our environment". I also take time to explain to them that they should also encourage their customers to bring their own recycled plastics (at least) to lessen the plastic trash that also litters our oceans.

I am looking for a good material for my business too. I have to find a replacement of the plastic that I am using. I tried the brown paper bag but the moist of the chocolates easily tear it. I am looking into a box-type of packaging.

And I promise to share my thoughts about being "environment-friendly". I want to stop being an abuser of our waters, lands and air.

Hope you could share your thoughts too and I will publish it. We have to do our share in guarding and taking care of our planet. The only one we have.

face to face everyday

I was about to write something for my blog but I thought of taking a picture of what is in front of me. I had this monitor and CPU since 1999. Only had 2 major repairs that brought about changing the motherboard. And 1 hard drive installation.

I seriously and almost have junked both many times before but they seemed to be working just fine. And they seemed to want to stay for some more period of time. Not bad!

I say, I am amazed for having them all through the years. How I wish I have the black and slim LCD monitors or some new gadgets too but I think it will be me and my computer, face to face, everyday until the time it busts.

CHEERS!

Hello

Hellooooooooooo?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just had a very bad experience lately of lodging a complaint at PLDT (Philippine Long Distance Telephone) because of not getting my bills for 3 months. Well, I thought I just have the right to complain because I have to monitor what is in there.

Many people actually do not go through with their bills but not me. I religiously pay my bills even if I cannot pay the whole amount. I just have the habit of checking its details for me to budget whatever money I have.

The bottom line is bills are not just bills. It explains what "I am going to shell-out my money for" and reminds of me of paying an obligation. And my stress doubles-up when I do not have enough money(har har har) to pay it. So just give me that bill, ok?

To cut the story short.

After the call that night, the messenger suddenly appeared the next day and after some argument because he kept on insisting that "I received my bills". Yes, I received all my other bills from other companies except PLDT. And his company is the service provider for the deliveries of the bills.

Oh, this messenger is kind of unique. And because I was doing my laundry and have to go somewhere after, I told him that I would just talk to PLDT and maybe your boss because we do not seem to understand each other.

And after that he shouted at me and said "If I lose my job I am going to get back to you and kill you and do something with your property".

Grrrrhhhhhh! The nerve!

When I called up PLDT, I only requested my bill now here is someone who wanted to kill me because he is going to lose his job. I am usually friendly with messengers but this one is just CRAZY!

I went back to the house and called 911. I reported him to the Police Station too, in case he is really going to kill me. Just because of that bill.

Anyways when I called up the telephone company, I only wanted to give feedback and people misinterpret it as something else. I do not even know him to put some grudge into the story.

Now, I just have the feeling that Filipinos sometimes are overbearing with comments and feedback to improve their service. Come on.

We got to be less emotional into something like this. Instead, we all have to work hard. And be the best in whatever we can.

I think that is more important than getting back to people who lodge complaints about your services. Like me.

Cristina

Sisters are not suppose to live together
Coz when they do
they wreck each other' s space
pull each other' s hairs
and bite one another, too.

But that was so long ago...

Sisters are still not suppose to live together
Coz if I do lived with her
I will throw pillows at her husband if I see him wreck my sister's heart.
I will pull her husband's hair from the bedroom towards the garage for bastardizing my sister's space.
And I will probably bite his arms until it bleeds
for every blow to her being.

Boy, I am glad I was far from my sister during that period
for if I was, I will be in jail now.

But that was a long time ago too...

In Toronto, my sister and I had all those things in the past went down the drain.

In Toronto, we were once again kids who made up for those times when she was always away with her friends. I thought she does not want me around.

In Toronto, we were also adults who accepted each one's craziness. So very unlikely when we were young, when we could have left each other' s presence.

In Toronto, we shared secrets like friends. I thought we could not be friends because she is far too perfect and I am not.

In Toronto, she made me feel special. Something I did not feel from her for such a long time because I thought she never liked me.

But now, I am whole again.
It is great to have a sister. One who is happier now. One who is tougher.
A sister who gave us Achie and Shoti.
But still far away.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CRIS!

I am your thoughts writer

I created another blog. It is called "I am your thoughts writer".

I am not sure of how the blog will evolve but I am starting it with encouraging visitors to write their thoughts. I also want it to be another venue wherein I might make money through writing.

I think the market for writers is large-scale. I just do not know how to get there.

In the meantime, I keep on writing and sometimes I feel that I am in a slow pace yet. But I also do not want this to be "heavy" on my part. I just think that documenting thoughts are important.

It makes up a person's being. During my birthday, I told my friend that I wanted to look deeply into my being. I have to know and accept what is wrong with me so I will be better.

My posts in this blog are not just craziness and "spur of the moment" thing. It is a treasure. There will come a time when I will no longer be able to express my thoughts. Let these thoughts be my connection to my family even when I am long gone.

with my eucalyptus trees

It is my 45th birthday today. I had such one busy day and most of the time I was alone.
I woke up at 3:00 am. I was awake ahead of my 4:30 alarm. Then drove - off to my children' s destinations. From 8:00 am till 4:00 pm, I was completely alone.
This is one favorite spot with friends when we have time to gather. They treat themselves with the leaves from my two eucalyptus trees. They pick fresh leaves from the trees and smell it.

I thought of taking pictures of the eucalyptus trees. I do a lot of thinking when I am alone.
I sometimes wish the trees also understands me. I get all these thoughts in my mind that sometimes bothers me too.
I had a wonderful day by the way. I got lots of calls and birthday greetings. Gaga and Mylene came too. Had a gift from Angelo when he came home. Karl came home late from their tour to the air and naval stations. Kaikai came home from work tired and ate dinner with me.

Sometimes birthdays make one sentimental. But I am mighty glad I was finally tearless today.

beauty contest

Hey listen, today was the finals of Ms. Ceragem-Davao. You wouldn't believe it but I joined it when they announced it weeks ago.

I am not fond of beauty contests but I do watch it given a chance. And it is not too often.

When I do watch beauty contests, I liked looking at the doll-like women strutting their way to the stage. I particularly look at the face, the bearing and how they answer the questions. Another part wherein I am most amazed is when the contestants ramp it in their swimwear. I get excited over them and really wonders "how does it really feel" when the whole world looks at you in a skimpy attire. That is something imposing, I think.

Talking in front of people or "stage freight" is I think the "most popular" fear in this universe. I am just glad I was able to conquer it earlier in life. I meant the "talking" and sometimes the "singing", but getting in front of many people in a different conduct such as this contest is something I have never done in my life.

Why don't I try it? And yes, I did.

During the talent portion, I had a great time with the staff and the clients. I remembered repeating my song "I Will Survive" for at least 3 times because their internet connection went static and my piece was from "You Tube".Arrrggghhhhh! But I did survive the song.

I felt good to see the clients laughing and liking some of my spiels in front. It was a disaster but a well received one. We were there for "fun" so it should not kill my self-esteem at all.

Then I disappeared for some weeks before reappearing again for the practice of the rampage. I was cold and so nervous really because I have such a high esteem about ramp models and how they project themselves on stage. Doing it now is OMG! Do I really have to do it? I can actually "exit" gracefully but I told myself - just get that feel and then forget it if you screw-up. The feeling was fantastic! And I do not have to pretend that I am doing without the audience. I am just sad why some models have to get some "booze" to get to their thing. I would want some "eye to eye contact" with 2 or 3 people from the audience. I think, if there will be some people in the audience who wouldn't like you, there could be at least one or two who will love you. Good enough for me!

Then today was the finals. God, it was 1:00 pm when my ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) started bogging me. Angelo will be home soon and the key is with me. I was enjoying the whole program and was having a great time with everyone and I must have forgotten the time. When the emcee announced the time, I was rattled and got restless.

My son is coming home soon. I really wished it was Q&A now.

During the Q&A, I thought I was not as nervous as when I had the chance of representing my class, I think for the social studies and spelling bee in school. But I had the strangest feeling that I was there all over again. I told myself that I am an adult ADHD and more matured now to give one sensible answer so I should do it NOW. I think, I did.

Then I have to leave. I was the number 1 contestant so I was the first to finish too.

That was the end of my beauty contest experience.

My gift for myself tomorrow when I turn 45 years old!

the umbrella

I noticed here in Davao that more people use their umbrellas during freaking sunny hot days than when it is raining.

The other day, I have confirmed this observation because the rainfall did not stop the pedestrian most of them students from casually just walking as if there was no rain at all.

While I was looking at them and wondering why these people do not seem to care about getting soaked, I also tried to think of the logic behind the fact that these people would have had brought out their umbrellas if it was the fiery morning sun that was up that fateful day.

Let me look at Google, why this is so?

So sad that I did not get statistics or significant information about my question.

I would prefer using my umbrella when it is raining than using it during a scorching hot day!

I remembered a lady telling me that umbrellas before are only for the rich people. Here in the Philippines during the Spanish era, poor people cannot afford an umbrella so they use leaves of the bananas.

Cool and indeed very true because even until now in the countrysides, children from poor families use banana leaves to cover them from the rain and the heat of the sun.

Now, I think I am blessed because I can afford to buy an umbrella! Yah, Made in China.

my untwisted reasoning

My tweet for today was kind of selfish and mean. And when I was about to write for this blog about something else, I still cannot help but think of that statement. Is my blog starting to be a mean blog lately?

This is what I have tweet(ed). "If I am to choose right at this moment between my vehicle and husband, I would choose my vehicle."

But that is how I exactly feel. And even until now, I would say it over and over again even if he is the one paying it.

By the way, I have to write that because he told me that he can no longer pay the bank. So plainly said.

As for me who is battling a tornado-sized damaged-love for him has found another reason for a tsunami-kind of hatred. Thank you. So plainly said too. And he is only 10 months to go for a full payment.

And it is not just because of the vehicle. It is such a lame reason for this attack. Because I am willing to give that vehicle back to the bank. All I want is for him to understand that he just cannot say "I can no longer pay that" or "I can no longer complete this" or "There is nothing I could do."

A man could do better than that says my untwisted reasoning.

My marriage is not really marriage in the first place. So I am disgruntled again.

And he does not read my blogs. I told him of all these, too. To be fair.

And lastly for him to feel good, I also want to say that probably I am not inspiring him to be his best, so I think he deserves someone else.


When at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang-on!
A creepy and crappy kind of slogan for this particular post.

screwing-up my blog

I can't believe blogging has been a part of my life since I started it last January. Writing some personal notes of my life was an itch before I considered blogging for a reason that I really cannot fathom until now. I have mentioned some reasons before but somehow I think, it is not really "it".

First, all I wanted to write are articles that should sound good and pleasant. I had a couple of minutes thinking of what I will name my blog only because I want this to be a "feel good" experience not only for me but for those who visit this. Thus, I thought of my "glazedbliss".

But there were times when I think that "feel good" blogs could not really be that appealing to readers. Although here in this blog, I also got some terrible outpouring of feelings, somehow I realized it just lacks some suicide bombings, killings, aggravated pain, alarming greed and so on and so forth. I think my blog just needed some reprogramming. Does it?

You know what, when I see comments and the numbers of visitors, I feel some kind of panicky feeling. Because I would confront myself the next day, if I just conveyed the right message. I sometimes write for the heck of it and I forget that this is the web. There could be people who might tripped on my blog and if I screwed-up, there will be no other way that I could explain. On the other hand, some readers might not also care. Either ways I should somehow care about "responsibility in writing". Yes, I should be very expressive, creative and responsible.

You bet, I also feel happy that there are at least 3,000 people who have seen, read, or maybe ridiculed my posts har har har. I think with blogging, I have survived my fear of being criticized. In the web, I realized that my thoughts could be as regular or great as the readers. Just go ahead and write something because the readers even if they got the same idea, do not exactly write what is on their minds. So you get the opportunity to write it ahead of them. So I still write.

Well, these are just some of my thoughts after I reviewed all of my posts since I started January.

To sum it up: Glazedbliss should be a little more daring and raise some more human and animal instincts among visitors. They might frequent me more this time.

birthday bash

I got my son to play this music.

We have to give this as a gift to all the November birthday celebrators in the family. Shoti (nephew), Nov. 2; Nanay (mom) and Omar (brother) both on November 9; Jamie (niece) Nov 14; Marlene (sis-in-law) Nov. 20; Cris (sister) November 25; Angelo (my son) November 27; Celine (my husband) November 30. What a crowd har har har!



I am proud of Karlsen who really do not have a formal piano lesson but keep on practicing on the keyboards. He said he was "off" with some notes but I told him "of course because you do not read notes" har har har. I told him to study reading the notes too so he will be better in that discipline.

hearing aid

I think I want to write my ever first funeral speech (for myself). I know it is a bit morbid but I think, I like to hear myself now that I am still breathing. I want my funeral to be different. I want to speak during my funeral. And as promised here is the first one.

I want Kaiser or his wife to read this:

Kaiser, I would like to thank you for all the things that you have done for me, Papa and your brothers. It was you who first introduced to me the joys of motherhood. And now that it is the end of my term, I do wish that you will do your best to be a great father to your children and husband to your wife. Hold on to your family as it is the most valuable one in this world. "Love, learn and live" with your wife and children. I hope you would do better than I am in raising your own.

As I write this (am still breathing), I feel that you are making me closer to my grave with your attitude towards me. I am still 45 but I am advancing this death sentence to myself because I do not feel in anyway important to you. I know there are so many things that could happen from today and until my last breath, but I still want you to know how I exactly felt today. An unselfish act maybe because I could be hurting you or Angelo and Karlsen. But I really feel so terrible, that I wish I were dead.

Don't you know that I sometimes feel that my only connection with you is that "hearing aid"? And because you deliberately does not want to wear it, then I guess that you do not want to do anything with me. I know it could not be what you are implying but it is just the way I am thinking and feeling right now.

You also know that it makes me really very angry if you do not wear that hearing aid. Right now, my heart is pounding fast, a little bit painful on the right, teary-eyed and feeling so depressed because of your disregard of that hearing aid. (That was before my death, right now I am breathless and cold, I could still say the same)

During my days with you as a mother, I cannot help but say most of the time that " I was such failure." I am so frustrated with myself. Please do not think that I am frustrated with you as you "picked it up" most of the time too.

What is the fuss about that hearing aid, anyway?

Every time we fight about it (only because you do not want to wear it) you always say that I am the reason why you lost your hearing and that until now you just cannot accept the fact that you are.

If it makes you feel good that I am the reason for your grief and that impairment, it is alright with me. I am not perfect. I just want you to move on with it especially that I am dead now. Think of how you can attack this world with your charm and skills. That would do you more good than dwell on that impairment.

You are impaired. I hope by now you have accepted that fact. Because so am I. Since I was in elementary. That is why, I wear my eyeglasses because without it, I cannot see.

Oh God, what will I do with such a mind-set?

When you were in high school, I have to literally beg and borrow money from your Tito Omar just to buy a hearing aid. It was such a big deal for me that I did it for you. And even if you have shown defiance by not wearing it, I just have to submit myself on - again being a failure as a mother. I really think, you really hated me much. Again, because of that hearing aid.

Maybe you really do not need it for yourself but your doctors have been telling you, that in order for you not to lose your hearing on your right ear, you have to use that. I think since I am dead, this is probably the last time you are going to hear me say it. After this, I guess it is your choice.

Let me tell you that I have been proud of all that you have accomplished. For me, you are complete! Prove everyone that you are, indeed.

It is alright if you really do not wish to love me. I cannot force you to do that.

Tonight when you come home from work, I am going to talk to you about your moving out. You actually opened it up to me but I asked you to stay. I will give you your freedom.

I want to tell you, how good it is to live. Go on living, my son. Live for your self and family. If you have the chance, serve this country in a way you can.

When you go to your boarding house, you get my blessing. I think, you will be a better person outside of my care.

Let me get back to the hearing aid. Your second hearing aid is more expensive than your first (ha ha ha). Because your hearing went to a profound level. The doctor explained that to you. Why am I getting back to this?

Because during that time, I have to go to the banks and beg and borrow for it. It not only caused me such a pain in my pocket but came along the problems with my relationship with your father and coupled it up with my own personal issues.

That hearing aid that you do not wish to wear is my life. I do not wish you to feel guilty about it. I want you to wear it because it is your connection with me. I still want you to wear it because in my death, I want you hear me from where I am.

Whatever pain I have inflicted in you, I ask your forgiveness. From where I am, I will always intervene for your safety as well as your family.

Sorry that I have nothing else to leave, except that hearing aid.

Take care of yourself and your family. Love your brothers and father.

I am at peace now and I promise to move heavens (or maybe hells) to keep you safe and warm during your most troubled times. Think of me always and I will be running by you and your brother's side (in spirit, of course) . I now miss you and your brothers. Probably your Papa, too.


Note: I have another entry in my blog which is entitled "rumpling that anger away". It is in the January 2009 posts. I would wish Achie to read it after this.

getting focused

I felt bad not being able to write in my blog for two days. But sometimes I wonder, why is it that I write here anyway. I do not know of a specific reason really but after watching a movie "Julia and Julie" (whichever comes first) I thought I just wanted to have something done. I think I also wanted to write in this blog to hone my writing skills for the novel I am writing. The novel is more challenging because it is a whole lot of organizing my thoughts and "writing even if I do not like yet". I think writing a book is a discipline that I wanted to acquire specifically.

It is also my brain which I really wanted to have focus. If you want me to describe how I think, it could be so sporadic. There are awfully lots of "pop-outs" in my mind even when I am resting. And even when I am doing something , ideas (sometimes I think, great) just pops-out and if I am not able to write it down, it would just go down the drain.

Oh my God, I really, really wish I could focus.

Sometimes I am amused with myself but most of the time keep me thinking that I needed some help. Help could be, I should finish that book. It helps me sit calmly and think. I should finish what I have started. That is for Rule number 1.

And because I get bored with one activity for such long hours, I have to take a deep breath and calmly talk to myself about not leaving it. Stay put. For Rule number 2.

I really hate rules, but sometimes I should honor it by bending a bit.

scrambled sunny side up

I was up early at 4:30 am. Got lots of errand for a Monday. "Bank to bank to bank" as my friend fondly says. It is my mother and brother's (Omar) birthday too. I greeted my brother last night but still has to call my mom today.

Anyway, I am used to waking up at around that time. But today is different because Angelo has to get to his new school before 7 in the morning. Oh, this is just great! I remembered that I have to go to our telephone company. I will write about that separately, it is kind of funny and alarming.

But I have to write this because again, my sunny side up was so wrecked that I have to scramble the rest of the eggs for breakfast today. My children did not even noticed that one egg was supposed to be sunny side up. That is how awful my eggs were today!

Oh well, Paulo Coelho said "And if you haven't made any mistakes recently, you must be doing something wrong."

My mistake couldn't really be so wrong, all I want is to have a perfect sunny side up.

not much change

I had the privilege of visiting the hospital where I was born. Well, I was born probably in one of the poorest municipalities of this country but I have always been proud of the place where I came from.

I was supposed to write something about, why on earth can't I cook a perfect sunny side up or egg omelet? But while I was browsing in the computer, I saw this picture.

So I felt nostalgic about it. I was happy to see the building where I first came to life. I was 9.9 lbs when I came out of my mother. The reason why my mother was rushed to that lone hospital in the island. And it is sad to note that there was not much improvement since I was born there in 1964.

Today, I promised to help that hospital. Yes, someday.

did you bring in love and laughter?

How does one stop loving another person?

Of course, there are people whom one just cannot put a stop on loving. Like my children. I could raise hell and high waters with them on certain occasions, but I do not think I can stop loving them.

But I really want to explore on that question. What do I say or do when I want to stop loving? What goes on "in-between" from feeling love to hatred? The "in-between" could really be very tough. I am not used to crying really but my crying times is such a record-breaker at this moment of my life!

Well, it could not really be hatred after the love, but it goes to a level wherein there is "nothing" one feels to someone you have loved or fathered/mothered your children. It is like being in limbo. But if one is in hell (in a relationship) maybe the limbo could be a relief for sometime. Because limbo is at borderline of hell, does that mean that there is another hell after hell?

I think I am getting old. There was a time when I was so keen on observing myself about when my mid-life crisis will ever dawn. When I was consciously observing myself I did not see and feel any signs of that crisis. Now that I am "in", I am so caught unaware and unprepared. Tough luck!

But I teach myself to regain myself time and again. I might just have some limited view of my life at this moment. I miss my giggles and laughter...

shaking-off

I really thought that it is odd how people have such an approval or popular response to sarcasm. Better than the "loving" way.

I do listen everyday to a radio program which I really think is sometimes way so offensive and talks of repugnant and lame topics yet I am amazed how people are so attached and entertained to it. Even I (har har har) follow it because I want to have an idea of the listeners' sense and response to each topic. I myself could relate to how the hosts and the listeners would respond given a situation. I usually think people have a flare for misdirections. Example, we tend to see love in a heavy form ("falling" in love is like an emotional downhill), we understand it in a destructive manner ( I hurt you because I love you) and we end it all with crappy sense (finding another tough love).

So when I thought of writing a blog, I thought of shaking-off those tons of imbalances in my senses. So when I sit down and write, I also get my approval to make the worst of a day to appear less traumatic. This is a therapy and I wish by doing this everyday, I get to wake up seeing all the events of my day perfectly blissful (at least from a perspective).

And if by chance you read this, I wish to share my "shaking-off" bliss!

come brighter day

Last night was a full moon. I always felt good when it is a full moon so even if I do not have a good camera to capture it, I still tried. I was also expecting to have some good laugh, but somehow it turned out to be a disaster (only an exaggeration though).

I think it was the features on TV about spirits and the dead that made my night gloomy. I was at the backyard, roasting the chocolate beans on charcoal, when I saw the rising full moon. I thought while the moon was elevating I also felt that my spirits were going up with it. But it suddenly rained. A heavy one.

So, the moon disappeared from the clouds and so is my expectant mood.

Last night, I had trouble downloading some templates for my blog. Got messed up with all the work I am supposed to finish with my book. Got some really disturbing bad news that caused some sleepless hours. Got derailed somewhere. In short, there were just too many reasons to feel bad.

Oh, am I so glad to wake up and look forward again for a bright day? I always look forward to it.